Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
