I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
