So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
