I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
