I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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