That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
