i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
