I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
