you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
