you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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