you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize