I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
