Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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