chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
