i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
