I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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