i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
