I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
