I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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