his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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