I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
