shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im holly from the hills drunk
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
