She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
