I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize