it wasn't lemon gatorade
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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