2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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