Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
