Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
