we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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