Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
