Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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