checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
