Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
