Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
