Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
