I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
