btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
