She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
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