Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
