first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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