I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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