Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
