I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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