I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You're like the curious george of whores
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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