Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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