I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
