a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
