I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
