Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
from now on my penis is your penis
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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