you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
