all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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