Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
