This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
