Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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