She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize