you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
