So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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