Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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