I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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