What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize