I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
