YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So apparently I’m into choking now
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
