Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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