Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
