dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
