my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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