My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Plan B is the new Plan A
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
