Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Randomize
