It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
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