the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
