I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
