I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
