O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
