so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I want you more than these girls want KFC
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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