I think I died a long time ago.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
