Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
