I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
