This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
