If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
