Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize