walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just invented taco cereal.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
