You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize