The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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