I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
