cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
