he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
