That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
God, I missed his penis.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
